I Love All of You, Not Just a Part
by PianoKeys913
Summary: Short One-Shot about Mikita set after S3E8 and how they resolve the tension between them in regards to the accident with Michael's hand. Enjoy!


**NOTE:** Set after S3 Ep 8 when Nikita leaves medical upset that Michael is denying her help. This idea came to my mind after watching the episode. I wanted to get into both of their heads and show how they were probably thinking. Enjoy! Comments are appreciated!

I Love All of You, Not Just a Part

Nikita unlocked the door to Michael and her beach house and kicked off her shoes. They moved in together a little after Michael proposed and were lucky enough to find a vacant beach house in New Jersey. After living in Birkhoff's sea side paradise they knew that they wanted to move into something similar. It was perfect for the engaged couple and it was a nice escape from the hectic lives they led at Division.

It was everything Nikita wanted until a couple of days ago when the accident happened and Michael stopped coming home. Now, returning home after a day at Division left her with a lonely and empty feeling. She'd only cook for herself tonight. She decided upon one of her favorite vegetarian dishes and a glass of wine. Alone she sat at the dinner table staring out at the beach as the night sky slowly entrenched it in shadows. She replayed the events of the day in her head. Alex's encouragement that gave her the extra boost she needed to go talk to Michael, the cold stare and boiling anger she got in return when she tried to express herself to him again, and the pounding of his fist against the metal door in Medical. She closed her eyes and took another sip of wine. This was not how she pictured it, this was not how she wanted it. She had spent so much time loving him over the years and they were finally together and this is how it turned out. She began to wonder if it was all worth it-fighting the fight, trying to stop Amanda and all the other bad people out there, and staying in that hell hole, Division. Maybe it was tearing them apart, yet the ironic part was that it was what brought them together in the first place.

* * *

Michael laid on the metal, sterile, and uncomfortable bed in Medical staring up at the ceiling thinking about what his nights used to be like laying next to his fiancée and hugging her slender figure. The dented cabinet on his left only reminded him of the horrible words he said to her earlier that day and the broken look she had on her face. He knew he hurt her and as he replayed it over and over in his head, he still couldn't figure out why he did it. Why did I say that? What is wrong with me? He looked at the cabinet which showed a broken reflection. His face was reflected back to him in pieces and that is exactly the way he felt. He was no longer all of the man he used to be. He not only physically lost a part of his body but also everything that he once could do: go out in the field, shoot, be a leader during a mission, be there for his fiancée. All of it seemed like pieces of a broken dish that he just couldn't glue back together again. He couldn't help but be preoccupied with all the things that he couldn't do and he could find no other way to deal with it than by pushing everyone away and taking out all his frustrations on the people that only cared and wanted to help him. He got a sick feeling in his stomach and stared at his hand. Now, he could make a fist with his robotic hand naturally and he figured out his trigger: laughter. He laughed at his stupidity earlier that day and rude words he had said to Nikita and just like that he had control over his hand. He realized that being angry was not going to help anything and he felt awful that he hurt the person he cares the most about to see it.

He want to be with Nikita badly. He just wanted to hold her and tell her that he was sorry because at the end of the day, Owen was right. He didn't want to be alone and he had the best woman in the world waiting for him to come home. With that, he mustered up the courage to leave his loneliness in the Division Medical room and head home.

He opened the bedroom door as quietly as he could. He didn't want to wake her. He saw her laying facing his side of the bed with her arm wrapped around his pillow and her head gently laying on it. He felt a pit in his stomach and hated himself for leaving her alone like this. He walked over to the bed, heart racing, and leaned over her to kiss her on the cheek. He knew to step back because she would always jerk out of her sleep when she was surprised especially since she didn't expect anyone to be in the house. Her eyes flashed open and she quickly sat up. She blinked twice to make sure she was seeing clearly.

"Michael? What are you...you're home?"

"I thought I'd...come home early. I think I owe it to you," he sat down on the bed next to her. She sat all the way up and faced him.

"I don't want you to feel obligated to come home. I understand the fact that you want to be alone. I pushed you talk to me a lot more than I should have and I'm sorry. It is your life and I can't be there for you all the time. I can't understand what you are going through and..." Michael stopped her. It hurt him to hear her try and justify the way he had been pushing her away. Even though he had been doing it to protect himself, it wasn't his intention to hurt her.

"Nikita...it wasn't my intention to push you away. I just...I needed to protect myself. I needed to feel like I could deal with this on my own. Maybe I needed to for a while, but I didn't want to hurt you."

"I understand, Michael, but can I just ask you why? Why do this on your own? We are together, a team. You may have been alone before and so was I but you don't have to be anymore."

He tensed up at her words. Not alone. It was hard to think about it. She was right. He had been alone for a long time. After his wife and daughter were killed, he dealt with that on his own. He kept it to himself and never talked to anyone about it on a personal level. Just the facts. That was how he dealt with it. His true feelings were kept in a small box with the key tucked away inside of him and he told himself never to open it. It made him too vulnerable and he learned quick that vulnerability can get you killed in this kind of world. Together? Team? These were all words he once used but were rusty at that point in time. He had to learn how to use them even when he felt vulnerable.

Nikita felt unsure again. Michael was silent and was blankly staring into the darkness. Was it still too soon to bring this up again? She regretted her words now. Then, he looked up at her in a way that made her just want to reach out to him. She had been wanting to just be near him for so long.

"You are right," he told her. She couldn't believe it.

He knew that was what she needed to hear. And she was right. He was not alone anymore and he needed to be there for her but also let her be there for him in the same way.

She looked at him with a new hope in her eyes. The same look she gave him after the horrible encounter with Brandt and he told her that he would teach her to love herself. That was when he wanted to be there for her even when she had tried to push him away to protect herself. Now, it was his turn to accept the help.

He wanted to kiss her and naturally lifted his right hand to touch her face. Then he stopped, realizing that it was his bad hand that she wouldn't want that on her face, he thought. He became discouraged again. He couldn't be what she needed anymore, he thought. Then, she did something that surprised him. She took his robotic hand in hers and place it against her cheek. He looked at her in shock and felt himself tearing up. He was so thankful.

"I can't even feel it," he said trying hard not to let the tears fall. Then, she took that hand in both of hers and placed in on her chest at her heart.

"Now you can."

He looked at her and couldn't believe that she was his, he didn't deserve her. She was crying now and so was he. He couldn't keep it in any longer and he cried uncontrollably. Every bit of anger, self pity, blame he held inside was rolling drown his cheeks and she pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he was able to get out.

"I love you Michael and I just want you to stay home. I won't try to make you talk to me but please don't lock yourself away. 'I love all of you' like you told me and we can help each other."

He remembered the day he said that to her when they were trapped in the basement of that house thinking that they just might not make it and couldn't believe she was thinking of it too.

"You are amazing...you know that?" He told her with a smile. She couldn't help but smile back.

"Well, I try," she joked. He took her hand into his good hand and then finally kissed her. It was a long awaited kiss after all the tension and distance between them since the incident. He didn't resolve his own personal issues yet, and he knew it'd take some time. He also knew that Nikita would want to be involved, and he'd have to learn to open up to her. This time they'd do it together. Now, he was sure of that.


End file.
